I remember my first lifestyle-type party.
My husband and I were incredibly nervous. We dressed carefully, looking closely at message boards on the internet for advice, we packed lots of alcohol and whatever steel nerves we could gather. We arrived and could feel the electricity in the air and when we were met by a lovely couple meant to welcome us into the experience, I think we both breathed a tremendous sigh of relief.
If you’ve decided with your partner that you would like to venture into this kind of arena, there are five things you should know ahead of time in order to ease in as seamlessly as possible:
- Talk about your rules and expectations ahead of time. Seriously. I meet couples who arrive at parties, all excited to be there, and then one of them gets caught up in something and unknowingly pisses their partner off. They both leave with grim faces, due for an argument (or worse, complete silence) on the drive home. As you venture into the lifestyle, it cannot be stressed enough that you have to be able to communicate with each other. Full stop. If you don’t know what rules to start with, speak with another couple who has been to a party before. We are all happy to have you learn from our experience so you have a good time.
- Bring something to drink. Most clubs allow you to bring your own alcohol, so bring what you like to drink and at the very least, find out what will be on hand when you arrive. Holding a glass (even if it’s full of club soda) will give you something to keep your hands occupied when you don’t know where to look or what else to say (take if from a formerly/still-sometimes shy chick!)
- Don’t be pressured. I send my clients to these parties all the time, and it’s not with the expectation that they will suddenly strip naked, dance on a table and eventually land in an orgy of 10 people. That has happened, yes, but it certainly doesn’t have to. Sometimes they go out for an evening, meet some great people and go home to have best sex of their lives! Similarly, you can participate in the sexy action as much or as little as you would like. Most clubs are like regular house parties, but with nudity, sexual freedom and open conversation. Observe, if you wish, mingle, ask questions (remember, people love to talk about themselves, it’s human nature), and soak in the sexually-charged atmosphere. As long as your partner is on-board and is truly your partner in the experience, you can do whatever comes naturally.
- Don’t feel like if you want to play, that you have to engage with a large group. Most parties have multiple play rooms, so you can always slip off with your mate for some crazy jungle fun.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate. There are as many sets of rules in the lifestyle as there are couples in it. Talk to your partner, tell them what felt right and didn’t. Design with them what came up for you – maybe you were hit with a pang of jealousy – that’s okay! Just realize that it was a reaction and plant yourself firmly in your relationship to work your way through it.
Exploring your sexuality with your partner and other people is an amazing thing – it can open doors to pleasure and depth in your relationship. Don’t hesitate to take the first tentative steps to explore what you’ve been missing, but definitely get the support you need as you go.
Keep it sexy,
Ms Gran Vida (AKA Tara)
Ms Gran Vida works as a Life and Relationship Coach. She helps individuals and couples to explore and design relationships that work and are sexually fulfilling. Check her out here.