The lifestyle is an umbrella of endless possibilities! But I had no idea just what that meant from the outside looking in. To be honest I actually didn’t even know that after diving in and spending the first few years floundering. My husband and I played outside the box before we got married and then only a few times after copious amounts of alcohol on my part after that, almost to the point where I would get an alcohol withdrawal. I can confidently say we were in it for all the wrong reasons. We participated only in activities that wouldn’t piss each other off. On a great many occasions we took turns crossing lines of comfort, and then spend the next few days or weeks angry at each other for what occurred. To say the least it was ‘What not to do!’
It wasn’t until we split up and hit rock bottom in being assholes to one another did we begin to shift things. We began to learn what we needed and wanted and learned to ask for it. Before then we were just using the lifestyle as a distraction for our ugly relationship.
The way you are in life is the way you are in the Lifestyle. Truly! If you aren’t satisfied in your marriage, opening it up is not the recommended remedy. It won’t bring you more joy, and you’ll just have more to fight about. The good news is everything can shift and change, even people.
I always caution people entering the lifestyle to remain fluid. You have no idea just where the journey will take you. We all have so many hesitations around sex, but you know the saying: you never know until your try. Here we are today, teaching so many others how create lives they love! Perhaps we had to go through those ugly years to be able to relate to the masses. I think most couples are somewhere on the spectrum of ‘dicks to one another’, and ‘completely connected and satisfied.’ If I can nudge people towards more satisfaction in anyway I will! We are all beautifully human and no relationship comes with instructions.
I encourage people to remain open until you find exactly what works and what doesn’t for you and only you. Try ideas on like a jacket, take them off if they don’t resonate with you at the time, and be willing to revisit jackets you may have dismissed in the past from time to time. Each moment is new and it’s full of more possibilities than ever imagined.
Even years into the Lifestyle you may make mistakes, it’s all part of the journey. But if you let those mistakes drag you down, you miss out on oh so much. Have compassion for all of it, debrief and discussed what works and recreate your next adventure.
The bumps in the road have the potential to pull you and your partner(s) closer than you have ever been before. The choice is yours and it’s all based on your reaction.
The key is mastering communication and asking for what you need and want. Become and master manifester – (oh and don’t be a dick – this one is key.) Checking in with your partner(s) is great but when everyone involved takes personal responsibility for being a powerful creator, it works much better. Don’t wait to be asked, speak up and share often to guide each experience into your ultimate fantasy.
The expectation of mind reading is a disaster, and even if your partner(s) gets good at reading yours, you should never rely on that. It creates a limiting experiencing and ultimately robs you of your power.
There are a great many learnings and discoveries that occur on the lifestyle journey. How you react to all of it steers you on your path. My husband and I were not open in the beginning and so our path was extremely bumpy. We were head strong and ego driven and personally offended by oh so much. We were quick to blame each other when things went wrong and never took personal responsibility for anything.
Man have we come a long way. I am writing a book and eventually a screen play to share it with the world. The working title is: ‘What Not To Do!’ My strong belief in thoughts becoming things, has me put my focus on moving forward as opposed to looking at the negative past so it’s been a slow process.
When you want complete satisfaction for your partner with nothing in return you have arrived in an awesome place!
The lifestyle is a beautiful opportunity to practice different sexual preferences and grow as sensual beings. It’s a wonderful playground to broaden your horizons and elevate your relationships to a varsity level. All of this however comes down to choices. You can choose to be in awe of those around you who are successful, and you can learn from them. You can choose to unravel the many layers of constraint and fear that still exist in your made up version of who you are as a sexual being and you can grow. You can begin to see that their is no ceiling at all to the amount of pleasure and satisfaction your can wrap your entire world in. And you can let go of all the things that don’t serve you and you can step into complete freedom and an immense amount of self love. The choice is ultimately yours.
Self Love is the key to success in life and the Lifestyle. Once you master self love, how to communicate effectively, creating your ultimate life comes naturally.
May I also suggest our podcast http://www.intothelifestyle.com/podcast/
and our social network site where tens of thousands of people just like you are learning, growing and playing their way through life http://www.intothelifestyle.com/