Butterflies… expect to feel butterflies.
I doesn’t matter if you are a new or a veteran swinger, at almost every event and at some point in the evening, butterflies will occur.
Whether you are a single male, female, or a couple you are bound to feel an array of emotions throughout each event. They could be in the form of excitement, anxiety, stress, anticipation or even fear. All of these are a mixture of wanting to look good, feel great, and put your best foot forward. Truly we all want to look good and avoid looking bad, in life and the lifestyle.
My biggest piece of advice is to simply have fun! Have fun getting ready. Have fun picking out your outfit. Have fun fantasizing about all the possibilities the night could hold. Be playful in your communication leading up to and during the event. And even if you are not verbally communicating with a partner, be mindful and honest with yourself every step of the way. Also try to make conscious checkpoints along the way, this helps to make sure everyone is on the same page. It’s so easy to get caught up in situations.
Remind yourself that anything is possible but only if you create it. Remember that everyone has his or her own agenda and you don’t have to go along with anything that you don’t want to do. Many people attend swinger events, which means that multiple fantasies are available to participate in. Be clear on yours and keep creating it.You will walk in and be smiled at while being warmly welcomed by everyone. Everyone there is looking to find the right player(s) for the role of his or her fantasy that night so naturally everyone is going to be very personable and social.
[pullquote_right]Be friendly and social with everyone and always share openly what you are looking for.[/pullquote_right]
One of the first things you’ll notice is honesty. People will let you know they find you attractive. If you are finding the crowd not to be friendly you may want to ask yourself if you are in fact putting your best foot forward. Confidence shines and makes people sparkle and it turns them into a magnet. If you have not done what it takes to feel amazing within yourself before arriving at an event, it will show. You will typically feel a little less confident and a bit walled. You may find people are not interacting with you as much as you would like. Consider filling your love bank to the top, before each party. Be sure that you have prepped your body and your mind for the ultimate experience. Don’t overlook your thoughts and only focus on preparing your body, this will show. You can be the most physically attractive person but if your attitude or emotions are lacking you may find it difficult to connect fully.
[pullquote_left]One thing I know to be true; in the lifestyle and especially in life, we all play really small. We let so much get in the way of making every experience a mind blowing 10![/pullquote_left]
Can you think of an experience where you wish it had been just a little different but you didn’t speak up to make it so? (That’s what I thought…we are all guilty. It’s not just you.) This falls under the wanting to avoid looking bad category. We don’t want to offend anyone by telling them how to please us. But why do we do this? It just creates less than satisfying experiences. It is very rare that any lover will read your mind and understand your pleasure the very first play session.
Are you interested in making every moment a ten? Of course you are, we all are. Are you willing to try something a bit different? It’s easier than you think to incorporate a few new things into your world to increase your level of fun, playfulness and satisfaction. Communication with every partner is key. Knowing what you like and don’t like is crucial. Every time I tweak my ITL profile or read an inspiring profile I realize something new about my desires. It takes really looking at your turn-ons, and turn-offs to peel back your layers and realize what you are looking for. It’s a constant rediscovery.
Being an advocate for wanting every experience to be a ten is very important. Why settle on anything less? We have enough mundane and unsatisfying things in our life, playing in the lifestyle should never be one of them. As Devi Ward says ‘Stop fucking your way through life.’ The truth is none of us have to fuck through anything when we know how to ask for what we want.
This doesn’t mean you have to be rude or pushy in anyway. It just means that you need to speak up and share your thoughts. Also ask your partners what they love and what drives them wild? We are all so unique and different. It’s hard to have our basic ‘moves’ turn everyone on. Imagine if your partners raved about your moves? Not that I am encouraging anyone kiss and tell, but we all want great reviews on our performances. We definitely all want to have magic performed on us.
My final tip is to shut off your brain. Guys you may not know this, but us females are always thinking. We never stop. We like to think it’s helpful to multitask, but it actually holds us back from loving the moment. Consider incorporating all 5 senses into your play. Set the mood to ensure the sites, sounds, touch, taste and scents are as sexy as possible. Then look out!!