We are all by nature, visual learners. Pair that with a fascination to see how other people live and love it’s no wonder the lifestyle is so popular. It’s only natural to have a healthy curiosity about how it all works.
There are so many things we all feel and experience and we don’t share. But by sharing I believe that I give permission to others to do the same. My motto is ‘sharing is caring’.
For me the lifestyle is a way of seeing basic human nature and interaction unscripted in all its’ glory.
Nothing fuels me more than human intimacy and I am not talking strictly about intercourse. I love learning new inspiring ways to bring more joy into my world. It all begins by knowing what turns me on and what turns me off. I am an ever evolving sexual being, trying to unravel each new layer I discover; but it takes effort to learn these preferences. We all live busy lives; it’s easy to put effort elsewhere instead of into learning and growing sexually.
None of us really know the full depths of our desires. We have layers so deep down and it takes being bold to really uncover and tap into them. It takes open discussions with your partner(s) as well as others to really see things clearly. We tend to get caught up in playing a limiting role in our current relationship and we fail to honor the longest relationship we’ll ever have; the relationship with ourselves.
We are much more complex than we give ourselves credit for and the way we are in bed is usually the way we are in life. We have likes and we have dislikes and it’s ever evolving; the trick is to journey through this life and the lifestyle knowing full well it won’t be easy. Many emotions and feelings will come up for you in the lifestyle and the easiest tip is to try uncovering your belief attached to each emotion. We have so many silly rules that we’ve put in place. Our culture does not openly encourage healthy sex and we are left with many conflicting views which serve only to hinder our enjoyment of life. I invite you to be mindful of what rules you have made up, and consider writing new rules. Consciously and with intent, create new rules with an open mind and heart.
For example if you hold the belief (conscious or subconscious) that your spouse always gets his or her way, then you’ll be reacting a certain way when they speak up about their desires. There may be a subconscious aversion to the suggestion and ultimately you want to be able to share all your fantasies. Here are some helpful ways to make that easier to do.
I believe there are 3 categories to fantasies:
- I’d like to try this one day
- Maybe one day but it scares me still
- This turns me on but I never want to do it
These categories can help you open the lines of communication and have you realize that you fantasize more than you realize. Openly talk about all three of these categories with your fantasies and it will fuel your creative juices. Keep in mind though that for some coming up with any fantasies at all is a challenge, but once the flood gates open there no turning back.
Something that may hinder your fantasies is your deserve level. If you feel you don’t deserve to feel incredibly amazing and desired you may not pursue your own fantasies fully. This is usually a subconscious belief and most people have no idea their deserve level is low. You may be shut down to fantasies where you are the sole focus of pleasure so a quick test is to take a look at how you receive gifts. If someone expectantly buys you dinner, or surprises you with a gift, how does it make you feel? Do you say thank you or do you resist it?
Many women in our culture have taken the role of putting everyone’s needs before their own. There is an unwritten rule that self-care has a level of being selfish. There is another subconscious belief that there isn’t enough for everyone’s needs to be met as well. By realizing these belief systems are made up you can find ways to work around them.
Some people are more voyeuristic and others are more exhibitionists. Some would much rather watch people lose control and savor the experience, while others like to be the players and love putting on the show. Does it come down to your beliefs you’ve made up? Are there new rules you can create to pull more excitement and joy into your relationship?
Want to learn more about which you are? Do you see what holds you back? Are you interested in taking your sexual journey to the next level?
Intothelifestyle.com can be the next step in learning from others and what turns you on.